One liner Jokes

1. My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
Joe Bor

2.Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
Mark Nelson

3.I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward.
Tom Stade

4.He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. ' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper

5.British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough, use an ashtray.
Jimmy Carr

6.My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child. Well, maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
Susan Murray

7.Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.
Stewart Francis

8.My name is Fin, which means it's very hard for me to end emails without sounding pretentious.
Fin Taylor

9.I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'.
Paddy Lennox

10.For my birthday I got myself glasses. So my observational comedy’s really improved.
Sara Pascoe